The Silent Journalist

I want to write a short story

2010-10-08T04:22:00.000-07:00

For weeks now, the idea has been nagging at me, especially when I'm on the bus to and from work. This morning I saw a newspaper boy (man) squatting on the highway island as he meticulously folds and arranges his wares. I bet he'll be ready to jump to the street when the red light flashes. I wondered how his life would have been and what kind of conflict I would have made up to write a story based on his character. Perhaps he was a dreamer but as a teen got lost in the chaotic world of drugs and gangs? Nah... too common. Even Bong Revilla's films are based on that plot. Hmmm... maybe he is just a simple guy who falls in love (my forte is on love stories... I wonder why... ) with a Makati office girl? Nah... sounds like a Precious Hearts plot. Or maybe, he's an undercover agent? Oh no, I must have been watching too many action films as of late! (darn those buses...)

Oh well, I might as well spend some alone time and pressure myself to finally write another short story. Then perhaps I can take on that dream of producing a novel. Then maybe this silent journalist will cease to be silent and finally make waves in the bookstores and shops around town and online. Who knows? :-)

A Sketch of Encouragement

2010-05-14T08:45:00.001-07:00

Last night, my son asked if he has art class the next day because he knows it’ll be Wednesday. I asked if he still wants to continue the classes. He said no. When I asked why, he just said he was getting tired. It was his normal answer whenever he doesn’t want to do something we asked him to do. I can’t exactly remember what kept us from pursuing the conversation but we both got distracted and forgot all about it that night.

This morning, he asked me again if he has art class. Again he told me he doesn’t want to anymore. When I asked why, his answer (and more so the underlying personality for it) surprised me. My son said, “Kasi pangit po ang drawing ko sabi ni Tito Sky”. Tito Sky is the new alias of my Tito Rudy, a family friend and my former teacher in the same basic visual arts class around 20 years ago. I take no offense at whatever Tito Sky said because between him and me, he’s the expert in art. And besides, Tito Sky already expressed his observation of IE --- in that my son was talented but he was impatient and rushed his works. Thus, the reason I was bothered was my son’s “quitter” attitude.

I took a deep breath and started to dress up for work. Then, I asked IE to sit down with me at our table. Calmly, I told him that I believe that he draws well, and his lolo (who’s also talented in the visual arts) thinks he’s gifted in that area; and that, as his mommy, he has to believe what I say (kinda authoritarian, but the situation calls for it). Then he said he was getting tired (his usual alibi) already. So I said, “Kailangan maniwala ka kay Mommy. Magaling kang mag-drawing, anak. Kung sinabi ni Tito Sky na pangit ang drawing mo, eh di dapat galingan mo sa susunod. Ipakita mo na magaling ka.”

Then I asked him “Di ba gusto mong maging pilot at race car driver?” At this, he got quite excited. He said, “No, I want to be a spaceman and a pilot.” I smiled and said, “Kung gusto mong maging spaceman at pilot, kailangan magaling ka sa mga ginagawa mo. Dapat may dream ka --- yung gusto mong maging. Kita mo ang mga pulubi, kaya sila ganun, kasi tinatamad sila. Ang sabi nila, ‘ay, ayoko mag-aral at magtrabaho, manghihingi na lang ako ng pera’. Kaya ganun sila. Gusto mo bang maging katulad nila?”

Of course, he said no, and I saw that he was quite convinced. Whatever part of him was discouraged due to the negative comment on his work regained its confidence. So I told him that he has to do better in his art class and not to rush. Then I prepared his breakfast and asked him to take a bath and ready himself as I am about to accompany him to the art studio for his class. He was again his happy self as we drove to the art supplies store and bought a new box of oil pastels and gum eraser. When we arrived at the studio, I paid for the next 10 sessions of the class. My son pointed at the blue motorcycle parked outside the studio, saying, “Kay Tito Sky yun o.” So we went up to the art studio and he sat down at his desk. I talked to Tito Sky and said goodbye to my son. He shouted back happily, “Bye Mommy!” And I smiled, knowing that this morning, I made a big difference in my son’s life. I thank God for the opportunity and the guidance to do what I just did, and I hope to continue to be God’s instrument in forming this precious gift of His to be the best he can be.

12-May-2010 / 218pm

Light of the World

2010-01-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the community prayer here at the office touched on the Gospel where Jesus called us to be SALT of the earth and LIGHT of the world. Now, this. In this morning's gospel (Mark 1:21-28) is the call to embody the spirit of the LAW: Love, Mercy, Justice & Peace, as Jesus has lived it, unlike the teachers of the Law at that time.

I realized it's not enough to declare to the world that I'm a practicing Catholic, an active member of a charismatic community, an employee in a Catholic institution, an awardee of the "Huwarang Pamilya" (or Model Family) in our parish.

I HAVE TO LIVE IT.

In the past months, I've become a negative person. I complained about my husband... a lot. Without knowing it, I've painted a negative picture of my husband to my officemates. But I can't take it back now --- I've already said those things, which, although true, do not make up the whole of his being.

The challenge for me now is to become God's LIGHT to the world I live in --- my workplace, my family, my community. Lately, I've become ill-tempered again.

Jesus, help me please. Mold me and change me. Create in me a clean heart. I want to embody the spirit of the Law as You have. Let me be a Light to others. Amen

===

After writing this, I paused for a few minutes and invited God to speak to me. Perhaps there were a lot going on in my mind that I was not able to listen nor to see the image of Jesus in my mind. Instead, however, I saw gray and white waves and flows, like white smoke in a dim room... and I kept hearing the words: "I love you... I love you..."

Three words repeated over and over were all that I heard in the chaos that is in my mind. I knew it was my Father in Heaven speaking (no, practically shouting I guess) to me. And I am assured. Thank You dear God, thank You! I love You!

Dark Clouds

2009-12-22T02:10:00.000-08:00

The dark clouds of depression that came on Saturday rolled over to the first day of the last week at work for the year. It felt like being stuck in desert sand up to the knees, with some more sand being poured on you, as if you were inside a huge hourglass, trapped. It felt like being afloat in the middle of the ocean, with the waves tossing you about, as if you were inside a giant snowglobe-like paperweight, only filled with oil and water; again, trapped.

Last night, on my way home, I typed away the truths I've kept hidden in my heart. The negative feelings I repressed, knowing they were not of God, have caused cracks in my already broken heart. I have kept a lid on my feelings, especially on those of hurt, anger, envy, and as a consequence, have caused my heart to bleed. An inflamed heart is sensitive. A pin-sized prick is enough to make it burst. And that's what happened to me.

Good thing or bad thing? Who knows? I shocked myself when I vented out my frustration at the office pantry table. I found myself admitting the envy that has been eating me up. The silent sacrifices have only brought more whips to my already wounded spirit. Impatience has been wearing me down. I was tired. Physically. Emotionally. And to top it all, I was spiritually weak. I was fortunate to have wise men and women with me at that time. Their words were the lifesaver in the middle of the ocean, the rope ladder in the endless desert sand. But I knew I needed more. When I finished writing last night all the things that have been racing in my mind and ravaging my heart, I wrote a short prayer asking God's grace for faith, hope and charity. I knew I couldn't do it alone.

This morning, I read an article from an email forwarded by a dear friend. It talked of the devil's temptation, and that God is not the source of evil. Yesterday, God used Ms. Nena to impart the message on Job's story from the old testament to me. Today, He again used the internet to tell me the same message.

It made me realize that I am actually blessed. On a t-shirt I have in my cabinet, it was printed "I am God's favored one". Indeed, I felt the candle of hope light up a little brighter. I felt blessed because I knew God was making me stronger. He allowed things to happen not because He wanted me to be miserable. However, it was the devil who has been feeding me with the negative emotions fueled by envy and pride that has led to the depression and hopelessness that darkened my weekend, just a few days before Christmas Day.

I felt blessed because I believe that no matter how difficult the circumstances are right now, God's grace and blessings are always much much greater. He loves me more than I can ever know.

In closing, I am sharing the last few paragraphs of what I was able to write down last night. I pray that you will also feel blessed. It is an honor to be made an instrument of God's message and love. Merry Christmas! :-)

"I felt the devil was responsible for the feelings of depression and unhappiness, anger and envy and discontent that I had been feeling. I know I needed to truly let go of my fears and with full trust in God, jump from the cliff and into God’s loving arms. He is waiting for me. God has always been with me. But I kept ignoring Him the moment I feel better. Whatever I’m experiencing, I know God is carrying me. I know I needed to undergo these things because God is purifying me. God is making me strong. Because I am weak, I give up easily, I am unforgiving. He wants me to be perfect, as He had intended me to be when He created me in His image.

Lord God, fill me with Your comforting Spirit. Help me become better. Help me to peel off the wrappings and trappings of envy, anger, discontent, and fear from my heart and soul. Grant me the grace to be always filled with hope and faith, that I may be able to love myself and others as You have loved me. Amen."

Chivalry

2009-10-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

Lightnings strike the top of the tower while thunder roars in the background as the valiant Prince, now clad in just his chainmail armor, fights the Wicked Sorceress' evil powers with just his sword and shield. He presses on, as his lady love locked up in the tower frightfully looks on. Amidst the horrifying laughter of the Sorceress, she turns herself into the mightiest and scariest creature on earth. Breathing fire, she scorches everything to keep the Prince from approaching. Still, the Prince moves forward, driven by his love for his damsel-in-distress, his princess, his life, his love. He waits for that golden opportunity to turn the tables on the Dragon-Sorceress. The Dragon Sorceress, then, swings her horned tail to dislodge the Prince's shield. The princess, seeing the plight of her prince, desperately throws everything she can get her hands on at the Dragon Sorceress, to no avail. The poor Prince, without a shield, was no match for the evil Sorceress as she swung her tail again to finish the battle. The Princess screams as her Prince wailed in agony...

But of course, there are no dragons, valiant princes, wicked witches, and locked up princesses nowadays! Or is there?

Chivalry in the middle ages, immortalized in legends and fairy tales, may have disappeared into obsolescence as the modernization of civilizations continue to take place. However, I sometimes feel like the little girl dreaming of her prince to rescue her from the tower. Chivalry may have died as the feminist movements imposed equality between men and women, empowering women to achieve their potential but disenfranchising men who weren't as competitive or valiant as the others.

As a woman, I am grateful for the cultural changes feminism brought, but saddened by the realization that only a handful men will continue to be chivalrous amidst ridicule and criticism. I am a woman, and no matter how much I have achieved in my life, I still need rescuing. How I wish that my man could die for me. Not for fighting dragons, of course, but I wish that he would willingly die in himself for me, giving up his boyhood pleasures, inappropriate immature behavior, and instead, rescue me and care for me and protect me. Women may not understand this. I may be ridiculed for admitting weakness and being needy. I may be. But then, again, if they don't need rescuing and protection, then no one will. I do, so I hope he will.

I am Happy!

2009-07-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

After months of inexplicable sadness, of feelings of regret, envy and want, I am finally full of hope… hopeful for a life of happiness, real happiness.

The secret?
A different look at life, the resolve to have a great day…
The gift of faith, the encouraging Word of God revealed when it is most needed…
The renewed desire to rekindle and cherish relationships…
Love, friendship, family, the comforts of home…
The realization that God did not make me to be miserable…
Prayers and conversations, kisses and warm embraces…

All these overlapping each other, being more important, equal to and less important than the rest all at the same time… all these, and the amazing realization of the one missing treasure… all these make me happy, really happy as God intended me to be.

Backfloat Realization

2009-06-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

I feel the darkness envelop me
In a panic at first, I reach out my hand
And feel the cold sand embrace me.
In a desperate move, I rest my head
On my shoulder and relax
As the gears of my mind set off
In a wild whirlwind of thoughts
Torn between getting up and letting go

I close my eyes and no longer feel
The sand that once took hold of me.
Now I get the familiar feeling of floating
As if resting from a day's backstroke swimming
I'm afraid to open my eyes,
Afraid to drown but tired of treading
Yet I ask, am I really tired
Or just afraid to try?

I opened my eyes and find myself
In the 4-foot deep end of the pool
An arm's length from the ledge
An arm's length from redemption.

I Choose...

2009-01-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

Psalm 46:2-11 (New American Standard Bible)

2Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.
4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
5God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
7The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.
8Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
9He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

Oh, yes, very timely... lahat ng words ni God, very timely for me and for what I am going through lately. I don't like what I'm becoming. I want to become once more the joyful, optimistic, trusting and loving person I was. But yes, I cannot do it on my own, not even with professional help.

Only God can move me. Only God can mold me... because it is He who created me. It is He who made me in His image. It is He who breathed on me. He made me for a purpose. And though that purpose is still obscurely hidden in His mystery, I believe that He wants me to stand up and fight.

I am His servant and as steward of His treasures He has given me, I will do everything to take care of these true treasures. I will not let myself or others destroy my true riches in life. Even if I did not seem to deserve these blessings, God still gave them to me.

I regret that I sometimes take these true treasures for granted and look back on the other options I would have had, had I taken another road, another choice.

I used to think I am trapped, and look back to the time when I had a choice. But then again, I still have a choice now. God does not leave us with no choice. We all have choices.

Every day, we choose to live or die. We choose to be happy or miserable. We choose to work or laze around. We choose to love or be indiffirent.

Starting today, I choose to love. I choose to be happy. I choose to be responsible. I choose to be loving. I choose to be positive. I choose to live. I choose to be still and let God be.

Year-ender

2008-12-30T03:08:00.000-08:00

It seems a few of you are posting your year-enders... Napaisip tuloy ako... ano nga ba ang nangyari sa taong 2008?

January: we opened Granny's Hut, our small carinderia/convenience store

February: I gave birth... hehehe... and we served in the BCBP's Marriage Retreat a week before I gave birth... hehehe, adik!

March: YZ was baptized... at dumating sa buhay namin si manang... si manang na adik maglaba (as in, yung hinubad kong damit sa umaga ay makikita ko na uli sa cabinet ko pagdating ko sa gabi, kasi nalabhan na niya... adik di ba?)

April: uhm, wala lang, busy lang... hehehe, honestly, wala akong maaalalang event... bday ni lobit? hehehe :-)

May: 6th anniv namin... pero di kami nakapag-date :-( maliit pa kasi si baby... next year na lang babawi, hehehe :-)

June: bday ni hubby... sorry wala ata ako gift sa yo... promise, bawi ako starting next year... and magpapakabait na rin ako ... hehehe :-)

July: bday ni popsie...

August: commitment to formation night ng Tanauan BCLP #4, we danced ala-Meryll Streep et al to the tune of Money, Money, Chiquitita, Super Trouper, Take A Chance & Dancing Queen... hehehe, fun fun fun... especially the costumes ng guys... tita fides, you're a genius talaga! :-)

September: birthday naming 4 na magkakapatid, in denial ako that I was turning 29 na! concert ng 6cyclemind at callalily, thanks to hubby & friend lowell, may nagbantay ng booth namin, hehehe :-)

October: Mamay passed away... :-( then FE weekend #4! Waaahhh... kagulo na! Pero the best ang presentation namin... la nga lang kaming video... :-(

November: chaos, felt sad... thanks for the prayers! :-)

December: chaos, truths, half-truths, buti na lang, God sent me His angels... lobit, debbie and izel... love you mga marz!

Year 2008 was a chaotic year for me, my hubby and my family. We had a lot of decisions to make. We took risks this year too. This year, my comfort bubble was burst by people who have betrayed my no-questions-asked trust and I found it hard to forgive. But then again, as my sister said, sometimes, I have to look at these people kung bakit nila nagawa sa family namin ang mga bagay na iyon for years now. Sometimes, dapat palawakin pa rin ang pang-unawa sa mga bagay-bagay na ito. Minsan, mas kailangan nila ang panalangin para maunawaan nila ang tama at mali, para sa susunod, alam na nilang hindi sila dapat gumawa ng mali. Hay, kung may multiply lang sila anoh? :-)

This year, I got hurt but then again, I feel God gave me this situation to make me grow and to make me value more the blessings He has given to me. It is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. And hopefully, soon, things will be normal again and you and I can become friends this time. :-)

Forgive me dear friends if I haven't been much of a caring and thoughtful and loving friend to you. I'm a work in progress and soon, I will learn to be such kind of a person.

This year, I learned that I need to be strong in my faith in God, to be faithful in my commitments to God, and to be Christ-like in every aspect of my life.

Favorite quote this year:

Pagpalain kayo ng Panginoon, palakasin nawa Niya ang inyong pananampalataya, pasayahin sa pag-asa at pakilusin sa pag-ibig... Sa ngalan ng Ama, Anak at Espiritu Santo... AMEN!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! GOD BLESS TO ALL!

Moving Forward in Love

2008-12-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

Early on, I had been preoccupied with the idea of love. Grade 1 pa lang ako, may ka-M.U. na ako at dalawa pa sila. When I transferred to a new school in Grade 3, I also had my share of admirers (kasi ako yung new student). At dahil maagang umibig, maaga ring nabigo. In 6^th grade, I had this huge crush on a servicemate (ka-school service?). He was one year ahead and had really beautiful straight hair.... that’s why my codename for him was “Pantene”. Hehehe... We were okay though not buddies, but when he found out I had a crush on him, he suddenly turned cold and never talked to me ever. I never saw him after my graduation.

I went to a different highschool and was culture-shocked by the norm of having boyfriends and girlfriends at an early age. Coming from a strict newly-coed Catholic school, it was really a shock! In first year, the naive me was courted by a senior and a junior. Flattery really blinds you that’s why I never knew that the junior and his gang were just playing me until the junior compassionately stopped making pa-cute to me. As for the senior, I cannot remember exactly but I guess he sort of got back with his ex who kinda looked like me.

As a sophomore, I was a somewhat controversial rebound girl of one of the cutest in our batch. Our M.U. days which started (and ended) in the H.E. lovers’ lane lasted for about two weeks. He got back with his long-time girl after the sembreak.

In junior high, I had my sights on a sorta delinquent skateboarding guitar-playing classmate (Avril’s Sk8r Boi?). I kinda allowed him to make the first move (read: I made the first move) and was M.U. with him for about a year until we became officially “Mag-Un” early in our senior year, only to cool-off before Christmas break. He broke my heart when he had someone else as his date to the prom which meant the end of both our cool-off and our relationship. This left me to agree to be another batchmate’s date who I knew was just playing me.

It was my heartbreak but I never lost hope... that we’ll get back together again. Years passed in college and I realized it would not be good for me to get back with him because I was afraid to be hurt again by the same person. So I did not look around in a university where good-looking well-off boys were not hard to find (although most of the time, they are already taken by equally good-looking well-off girls). Well, there was this one boy in our block who was my crush and who I thought had a crush on me too, but it never materialized.

Then in my senior year in college, I saw him, unexpectedly... He, who looked like my highschool ex (the Sk8r Boi), caught my eye and took my breath away. My heart jumped at the sight of him... because he looked like my ex. At that time I wasn’t over my ex yet. Well, three years later, he eventually became my husband when i unexpectedly became pregnant. Six years later, we now have two beautiful gifts --- our children.

Looking back, I stop to think about how my life would be today if I hadn’t been too preoccupied with love and finding my destiny and all other chuva romantic ideas that the romantic comedy ‘90s filled my head with. I’m not blaming or regretting anything here, I’m just thinking, what if? I can’t help but be envious of the good fortunes of most of my classmates and officemates. Hindi naman ako haliparot o talipandas, pero sana pala, kung maibabalik ko lang, sana naging mas maingat ako at mas naging focused sa gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko. Naniniwala akong makakapaghintay ang pag-ibig, lalo na ang tunay na pag-ibig. Pero ang mga oportunidad sa buhay, hindi na natin masasabi kung darating pa ba kung ito’y nakalampas na. Nakakapanghinayang, oo, pero nandito na ako ngayon. There’s no use looking back to regret, only looking back to reflect and moving forward to act.

Side note lang, naalala ko lang ang blessing ng pari sa mga misa sa simbang gabi ngayong taon (first time kong mag-simbang gabi this year): Patibayin nawa Niya ang inyong pananampalataya, pasayahin sa pag-asa at pakilusin sa pag-ibig! Ang ganda hindi ba? Yes, I’ve been preoccupied with love and never really got anywhere. Maybe today or tomorrow, with God’s help, I will be able to act and move out of love, because of love, and for love.

What are you hiding?

2008-11-28T05:57:00.000-08:00

Akala mo wala akong napapansin...

Hindi ako manhid... hindi rin bato...

Pero pwede akong maging plastic...

Pero ang plastic pag sobrang init o lamig, natutunaw o pumuputok...

Masasabi mo ba sa akin kung anong itinatago mo?

Handa ba akong marinig ang sasabihin mo?

Hindi ngayon... pero bukas, makalawa...

Darating ang panahon, kailangan kong harapin ang sagot sa tanong... What are you hiding?

Suddenly Swept with Sadness

2008-07-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

So that is what sadness feels like...

For no grave reason, I suddenly fell silent that my husband thought I got angry at him when he jokingly mentioned his gimmick schedule for august with his new-found friend X. I didn't know why, but I just felt like not speaking, my eyes downcast. Perhaps I got a bit upset. Maybe I still can't accept that at his age (30), instead of continuing to be serious, he wanted to do the things he didn't get to do when he was still a bachelor. Oh well, he didn't get to be a bachelor that long, maybe that's why he felt deprived. He'd worked his way through college, worked after college and got married early. But then, I've been convincing myself that it's okay. He just wants clean fun in the company of male friends. Wala naman kasi siyang barkada dito sa amin. Maybe he was just lonely. Maybe that's why I got upset. Maybe because I was jealous? Or maybe because I was saddened by the thought that he was lonely despite me.

Oh, it's not his fault. I'm just slow to adapt to changes. Or maybe because I was expecting him to behave the other way that's why I cannot accept his new ways.

I do not want to be upset anymore by his social life! I know I am being unfair to him, because he is a good man and he deserves to be happy... with me and with other people. Hindi ko siya pwedeng solohin.

That's why when I left the canteen this morning (just moments after he thought I got upset at his comment on his gimmicks), i did not go straight to the office. I went to the bank to pay the credit card bill, then went to the Blessed Sacrament in church and asked the Holy Spirit to enlighten me and guide me and to remove from me the sadness I was feeling. Then I read St. James' letter... er, Ang Sulat ni Santiago (because I have a Tagalog bible)... chapters 1 to 3. I stopped at chapter 3 although there are only 2 more chapters left. While reading those chapters, I felt like God was teaching me about life, attitude, about how He wants me to become. I felt God comforting me in my sadness, and at the same time guiding me towards what kind of person I should be.

"Sino sa inyo ang marunong at nakauunawa? Ipakita ninyo ito sa pamamagitan ng wastong pamumuhay na bunga ng kapakumbabaan at karunungan. Ngunit kung ang naghahari sa inyong puso ay inggit at makasariling hangarin, huwag ninyo iyang ipagmalaki at huwag ninyong pabulaanan ang katotohanan. Hindi galing sa Diyos ang ganyang karunungan, kundi mula sa Diyablo --- makasanlibutan at makalaman. Sapagkat saanman naghahari ang inggit at makasariling hangarin, maghahari din doon ang kaguluhan at lahat ng uri ng masamang gawa. Ngunit ang may karunungang mula sa Diyos, una sa lahat, ay may malinis na pamumuhay. Siya'y maibigin sa kapayapaan, mahinahon, mapagbigay, mahabagin, at masipag sa paggawa ng mabuti, hindi natatangi at hindi nagkukunwari. At namumunga ng katwiran ang binhi ng kapayapaang inihahasik ng taong maibigin sa kapayapaan." - Santiago 3:13-18 (James 3:13-18)

And God Answers, "Why Not?"

2008-07-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

Barely minutes after posting my blog entitled "Why nga ba?", I get to read this old unread email from a business contact...

"Good day everyone, I wish I were writing under different circumstances.

I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall bombing in Makati City , Philippines . She was supposed to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical Center at 230pm.

I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there. We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she wanted to move around and listen to some music while I grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2 entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she turned right towards Filbar's while I went left towards the restaurants. That was the last time I would see her.

Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1 through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave
from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.

I still tried to convince myself that she was able to make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without a response only meant that she dropped it in the confusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med. to Ospital ng Makati , the blast site, and back again
to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what the state of my wife was.

My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then brought me to a small examination room. It was only through a digital camera that I was able to confirm (and deny) that she was indeed gone.

I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner. I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should have not chose to park where I did. I should have braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should have ...

Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside you on your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber starts asking for her Mama.

I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the details of how her mother died, but more importantly I would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and nurturing. She has always cared for her family and friends, and sacrficed her career for being a full time
mom and home maker.

As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of which I regret not going through. The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond her capacity. I will always love her.

It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked and watched emails being sent to and fro. All I want now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty simple to say, very easy to take for granted.

Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to ask you to please include Leslie in them until her 40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit and she is no longer in the dark.

Sincerely,

Carlo Cruz

=========

I remember hearing this email read to us by our priest-facilitator in the BCBP Family Encounter Weekend last Nov 2007. And now, receiving this email so many months thereafter... and reading this barely minutes after blogging about self-pity due to my financial and career situation, I realize that God is really looking out for me. He doesn't allow me to wallow in self-destructive envious thoughts. He wants me to be happy. He wants me not to ask "Why?"... but "Why not?"... He wants me to find happiness in His love and His blessings for me, not in the blessings that He gave the people around me. He wants me to "consider the lilies of the field, they neither toil nor spin... but I tell you that even Solomon was not arrayed like these..."

Thank you dear Lord, and I am sorry for ever thinking that I am less-blessed than others when You have given me more than I deserve.

Why nga ba?

2008-07-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

There have been drastic changes in our economy these past few years and we were not spared. To make a long intro short, the thing is, I sometimes feel sorry for myself. Not that I am ungrateful... because in the goodness of God, He always provides for us.

But then, there are those times. Hindi naman sa naiinggit ako (pero ganun na rin yun), I tend to look myself and my current financial and career situation and sometimes ask, "Why?". Why am I struggling with debts? Why can't I pay my home loan amortization on time? Why can't I save? Why can't I get out of our financial slump? Why is my business losing money? Why can't I balance my checkbook? Why can't I travel? Why can't I go to Boracay, like everyone else? Why can't I be a globe-trotter, like the others? Why can't I be fashionably fabulous? Why can't I be luxurious? Why can't I have enough? Why am I here?

Ang daming "Why" ano? Why nga ba?

Of Burgers and Whoppers

2007-11-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

I've always liked eating burgers. It started in college, when fast food joints have become more accessible and my allowance allowed me a decent burger meal every now and then. There were many to choose from but my favorite back then was Wendy's Bacon Mushroom Melt. Yum yum! It was a real treat that I was willing to part with my precious 69 pesos for a burger (and occassional 95 pesos for the whole meal, complete with fries and drink). I don't know how much it costs now but if a Wendy's outlet will open near our place, I'd surely want to try it, for old times' sake.

Next to Wendy's burgers were the charbroiled burgers of Carl's Jr. These were more expensive and I guess that's why they closed shop in my 2nd year in college. When I tried their burger again (upon chancing on a store at Alabang Town Center), it was more expensive than expected but the taste... errr... I guess I forgot about the taste because of the high price? Hehehe...

The Mcdonald's cheeseburger became a staple favorite, especially with its affordable value meal price of only 49 pesos. I love the pickles and mustard, even the onions. Up to now, it's the cheeseburger meal that first comes to mind when ordering at any Mcdonald's branch... even if it now costs 69 pesos.

What about Jollibee? Well, I've always liked the Regular Yum with Cheese. It really depends on my mood whether I prefer Jollibee's sweeter burger over Mcdonald's mustardy & pickly burger. When Jollibee came up with their Amazing Aloha burger, I liked it at first but found it too messy to eat. Then came the Regular Yum with TLC (tomato, lettuce & cheese). It was Jollibee's effort to counter Wendy's Big Classic. I liked the Regular Yum with TLC best among Jollibee's burgers.

But wait, there's more (LOL)! What about Burger King? I used to eat the more affordable burgers at Burger King when I was working in Makati. I really didn't like their burgers back then, but I loved the onion rings and of course, the unlimited drinks! It was just months ago when I got a taste of their Whopper Jr. for the first time. We were on field assignment and our food allowance covered it, so I went for it and ordered one big meal of Whopper Jr. with fries, drinks and choco sundae. I really enjoyed that Whopper Jr. encounter that day.

And I keep coming back to that moment days and weeks after. If only there were a Burger King branch near our place... (sigh!). Then this morning, I was asked what I wanted to have for lunch. I said I wanted a Whopper Jr. from Burger King. It didn't matter to me even if the burger would be brought to the office later than lunch break so our logistics people coordinated my request with our delivery crew in Sta. Rosa (where a Burger King branch is). Perhaps the communication problem prevailed which resulted to no burger for me as of 2pm. I haven't had lunch yet at that time and our admin staff was worried. I used to snap at everyone when I was hungry. But I was different this afternoon. Somehow, I got so depressed that I wanted to cry. They were asking me what else I wanted, but I could not speak... because I was about to choke on tears! Pretty silly, right? I didn't know what came over me. I tried to think of other options... like Jollibee or Mcdonald's... but I only wanted the Whopper Jr.!

Eventually the admin staff got the message and again, coordinated for my request. I ate a stick of banana-Q at around 3pm to ease my hungry stomach while I waited for the Whopper Jr. Finally, it arrived around 4pm... and I got to eat the Whopper Jr. again. And I was not disappointed! :-)

P.S. It was a good thing I am pregnant... which is why the admin staff was really worried about me not getting what I wanted to eat... which is why they really coordinated my request. :-)

Consistency

2007-04-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

Consistency... something I never had but longed to have...

I don't know why I'm like this. I always had bright ideas, visions, missions, structured systems, etc. in my mind, but I only get to execute them for just a while. In our elementary Sibika (Civics & Culture)lessons (before the Civics & Culture subject was integrated with History & Geography), this behavior defines the "Filipino" trait: Ningas-kugon.

It's only now that I can admit to myself that I have this characteristic. I seem to have lost focus on where I should be heading. Perhaps it's because deep inside I thought that my plans would be disregarded because usually, it's my parents' decisions that I have to eventually comply with. Not that they're dictators or tyrants! Perhaps despite my rebellious streak (or perhaps because of it!), I tend to obey my parents more often (or could it be because of guilt?).

I'm actually starting to be afraid for myself because right now, I'm starting to lose my passion... for work, most of all. Or maybe it's because my priorities have started to change? Could it be so? I'm just not used to this. Before I got married and bore a child, I had always imagined myself in a high-rise building, wearing designer business suits and high heels, with big accessories, professional makeup and hairstyle... living the successful life of the ultimate career woman. With that vision came the jetsetter lifestyle (now referred to as globetrotter, by the way), an equally successful professional husband, a big house in a posh subdivision complete with everything (including a large spiral staircase... think of a mini-version of the staircase in Sound of Music or Gone With the Wind), cars, the works! But in that vision, children were not included. I guess I've always known I didn't have the "mother" gene/s but was afraid to admit it for fear of being like Lavinia in the Sharon Cuneta blockbuster (and my all-time favorite flick starring Ate Shawie & Cheri) "Bituing Walang Ningning".

Now, my life is far from that vision. We're not poor, but still not comfortable as I had hoped we'd be. I'm still hoping there'll come the day when we'll be moving to our own house in the subdivision lot we've started to pay for just last year. I'm still yearning to have once a year domestic travels with my family (and international trips once every 5 years), and of course, that Europe tour with my hubby! I'm working for my family's business, not for someone else's, that's why I don't have that corner office in that high-rise building.

But hey, don't get me wrong! I'm not complaining, I'm just musing, looking back at that road I could have taken. Of course, sometimes I cannot help but feel somewhat nearly feeling disappointed with the choices I've made.

Perhaps it's the frustration that my plans don't pull through that make me lose my passion to dream.

But hey, again, who am I to insist on my plans? It's not about me, after all. It's about Him. He has plans for me. Whatever I have now came from His grace. I count my blessings now. Every morning is a blessing (it means I'm still alive & the world is still turning)! Every smile from my child is a blessing (it means he's okay and happy)! Every kiss from my husband is a blessing (it means he still loves me and he's still in love with me)! Every greeting from our employees is a blessing (it means we still have our business)! Every song I hear on the radio is a blessing (it means I'm not yet deaf)! Every blog I write is a blessing (it means I still have freedom to speak, that I am capable of thinking and writing my thoughts)!

Every single detail of my ordinary life is a blessing!

Now, going back to the first few paragraphs, do you now see why consistency escapes me most of the time?

How do we choose?

2007-04-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

This coming May 14, we're going to choose our nation's leaders from municipal or city councilors to the senators. I bet, just like the years before, when we arrive at the voting precinct of our barangay in the morning of election day, the place will be swarmed with "supporters" handing out flyers, pamphlets and sample ballots at the last minute. And of course, there will be the "poll watchers" who are given access inside the precinct and supposedly just wandering harmlessly, but you can't help and suspect whether they're actually spying on what the voters are writing on the ballots. Our precinct is not as organized as the ones I see on TV where the school chairs are arranged one seat apart and a folder standing upright on the chair's tables to be used as cover by the voter while doing his duty. Hell no! In our precinct, we are made to sit on chairs used by the pre-elementary students, and made to write on the small tables used by the same. This makes it easier for "poll watchers" to loiter around the room, glancing every now and then at what voters are writing. Sometimes, when these "poll watchers" see relatives or friends, they approach and chat "innocently".

Sometimes I wish I could change precincts... but hey, that's not the point. In highschool, we were taught that we can change the system. Now, we are parents... but I can't see how we can change the system. I can't just pass that duty to my child! It's unfair and with this mindset, the vicious cycle will never end. I bet, our parents were told that they were the future of the nation and that they too can change the system, hence the activism during Martial Law era. And I bet, their parents before them were also told this adage. But still, have we really changed the system? Or are we just changing the faces we see up there?

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakatulong sa pagbabago ng ating bansa, pero ang alam ko, gusto kong mabago ang pananaw ng karamihan. Nalulungkot ako kapag naririnig ko ang mga dahilan o basehan ng pagboto o pagpili ng ilan sa aking mga kakilala. Sabi ng ilan, ang iboboto nila ay yung sikat, yung mukhang mabait, yung siguradong mananalo, yung nag-donate sa barangay nila, yung nag-donate sa school nila, yung nag-sponsor ng liga nila, yung nagpayaman sa probinsya nila... Sapat na ba iyon? Dati, ang pilosopiya ko rin ay karapat-dapat piliin ang mga kandidatong nakakatulong sa kapwa. Tama naman ito, kaya lang, nagiging daan ito sa mas lalong paghirap ng mga mahihirap (dahil umaasa lamang sila sa mga makukuhang "tulong" sa mga kandidato, kaya pumipila sila sa bahay o opisina ng mga pulitiko tuwing may kailangan sila at tuwing may okasyon tulad ng piyesta at Pasko ng Pagsilang ni Kristo) at ang patuloy na pangungurakot ng karamihan upang mabawi ang mga naibigay na tulong. Oo nga at nag-donate sila ng pera para maipagawa ang gym o ang kalsada o ang barangay hall o ang paaralan. Pero, alam ba natin kung tama ang halaga ng mga pagpapagawang ito sa normal na halaga? Ibig kong sabihin, nakakasiguro ba tayong hindi sila nag-over-pricing para makakuha ng kick-back? Kung pera ang ibinigay, nakakasiguro ba tayong ito'y taos-puso nilang pagtulong hindi lamang sa personal na kadahilanan kundi ayon sa kanilang pangkalahatang plano ng pag-unlad ng ating bayan? Ibig kong sabihin, ang mga naipangako ba nilang mga plano ng pag-unlad at pagpapagaan ng ating mga buhay ay naisasagawa nila? Ang pagtulong nila ay hindi dapat nababase lamang sa kung sino ang humihingi at pumipila sa kanilang mga opisina. Ang pagtulong nila sa bayan ay dapat naaayon sa isang Master Plan. May specific objective o layunin. May priority projects na paglalaanan ng mga pondo. Hindi strike anywhere. Hindi palakasan.

Minsan, may mga taong pumapasok sa pulitika upang mabago ito, pero nalalamon siya ng sistema: maaaring siya'y umalis o siya'y matutulad din sa mga taong nais niyang baguhin. Mahirap baguhin ang sistema dahil hindi lamang mga pulitiko ang corrupt. Pati mga tao, hindi lamang sa mga opisina ng gobyerno kundi pati na rin ang mga ordinaryong tao, ay corrupt ang pananaw, corrupt ang konsensya, corrupt ang prinsipyo. Corrupt = Sira. Kailangan talagang lahat ay mabago.

Ngayong eleksyon, paano ako pipili ng lider? Unang-una, ako'y magdarasal, at hihingi ng patnubay ng Panginoon kung ano ang aking magiging desisyon. Pangalawa, pag-aaralan kong mabuti ang mga pagkatao ng mga kandidato at ang kanilang mga pangako. Pangatlo, titingnan ko ang aking anak habang siya ay natutulog at ako'y magninilay kung ano ang pinakamagandang hakbang na aking gagawin para sa kanya. Hindi dapat ang ating mga anak ang magdala ng mga pasanin ng ating bansa. Kailangang tayo ang mag-alay sa kanila ng isang magandang bukas.

Gusto ba natin silang maghirap tulad natin --- maghirap sa pera, maghirap ang loob? Gusto ba nating hanggang sa kaapu-apuhan natin, marami pa ring Pilipino ang umaalis ng bansa upang makaranas ng kaunting kaginhawaan, upang malaman lamang na ang mga anak at asawang naiwan ay nagwawaldas ng pera o gumagawa ng hindi maganda? Nais ba nating hanggang sa kaapu-apuhan natin, ang Pilipinas ay watak-watak pa rin, katulad ng pagkakawatak-watak ng mga isla natin? Tuwing rebolusyon lang ba tayo magkakaisa, upang magkanya-kanya lang uli pagkatapos?

Kailangan natin alisin ang pagiging makasarili. Gawin natin ang ating tungkulin ngayong Mayo na ang iniisip ay ang kabutihan at kaunlaran ng buong bansa. Matuto tayo ng panibagong pananaw --- iyong hindi makasarili.

After The Storm Has Gone

2007-03-30T02:34:00.000-07:00

For a while, to write was all I could do...
Then Milenyo came, and I'm glad we're alive
Deep inside I knew my fear was true...

Hehehe, forgive me! I just can't help it! After I typed the title in this blog, those lyrics just popped in my head. :-)

Well, let's start... hopefully, this will be start of a much faithful writing in my blog. True, the Milenyo super-typhoon affected most of us here in the South. We lost our DSL connection (reconnected after 2 months!), our office ceiling was ruined (including our brand new 5-in-1 colored printer, scanner, photo printer, fax & copier!)... but, hey, I'm glad we're alive and that nothing really bad happened to us. Unfortunately, our neighboring town of Sto. Tomas got the fury of Mt. Makiling when landslides from the denuded part of the mountain went down and with Milenyo's continuous pouring of large quantities of "super-typhoon-water", flooded the townproper and nearby barangays. Houses were flooded from as low as waist-high (adult-waist-high!) to as high as probably 7ft, glass walls of a popular highway restaurant were broken, and a large portion of the concrete fence of a new cold storage facility was downed as if it were made of wood, showing the path where the water & mud & debris from the mountain went. There were casualties and large losses from damaged properties, but we don't know why there were no reports on TV... perhaps, because of the debates on the billboard nightmares in Manila... or perhaps, there was a cover-up. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

What happened in Sto. Tomas is a warning to all of us, just like what the floods and landslides in Leyte and Quezon have told us years before. I just hope that our people living in the towns surrounding the mountain have learned a valuable lesson since the tragedy was closer to home. The Los Baños side probably didn't experience landslides and floods (I hope!) that Sto. Tomas did... perhaps due to the numerous people and organizations that are concerned about the preservation of the mountain that has been the home of our state university (in short, activists?). Hehehe, take no offense, I lived there for four (4) years and I've been branded an activist even if I'm just hard-headed or stubborn. I guess all UP students have to live with that label.

I hope my children get to read these thoughts and aspirations so that they'll get to know me much better and perhaps influence their thinking into taking much more responsibility in caring for the environment (oops, better stop using these plastic cups... plastic!).

Ka-chow! - Lightning McQueen

Trade Fairs

2006-09-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

As promised, here's the blog about the China Trade Fair.

Yun lang, that's it!

Hehehe... Just kidding... :-)

Let's see... Let's start when I was in Kinder (oohh... this is going to be loooonnng!). Back then, I thought I wanted to be nun. Yes, yes, I know! But it is true. I think girls (especially those who attended Catholic schools) go through such a phase in their lives. With the pristine aura of a woman in a white dress, a black (or white, depending on the rank) head gear (or whatever they call it), and a brown rosary "tied" to the belt, a nun is a role model for young girls.

However, this was only a short phase (less than a year, I think) in my young psyche. "Sister" was replaced by "Mrs. Evangelista", my Grade 1 teacher, in my role model list.

I was lucky to be the teacher's pet. I never experienced being scolded, or told to stand in the corner, or slapped with a stick by our teacher, although I was never the most behaved student in the class (back then, the "most behaved award" almost always went to the student who was always quiet, never raised his/her hand, but spoke softly when asked during recitation, and never rowdy in class, not even during recess time). Maybe that's why I wanted to be a teacher. Now, it makes sense, right?

But then, because of the "Little Miss Philippines" hype, I didn't want to be a teacher anymore. Can you guess "what I wanted to be when I grow up"?

Yes, that's right! Mama even gave me a toy physician's set. I remember the stethoscope (spell check please!) and the little red box-bag with the white cross in front which served as the doctor's bag.

As I grew up, I believed that it's what I really wanted --- until Biology. Ms. Quintana was a great Bio prof, no doubt about it, but I never enjoyed memorization work, especially if it involved the members of the Kingdom Animalia and the other Kingdom (see my point?). I was catching up quite well --- until Microscope Day!

My specimen (the letter "e" cut out from a newspaper) was already blurred from too much water because I cannot focus the lens of the microscope properly. Whereas my classmates registered an average 30 second time, and someone was able to do it in less than 15 seconds (if I remember it correctly, he was a delinquent --- always absent from class, and yet!), it took me a humiliating 20 seconds after a minute! I will never forget that!

So I didn't excel in Bio... but then came Chemistry and Physics. Modesty aside, I did pretty much better in Chem and Physics than I did in Bio. I thought, since I wasn't so helpless in Science, I regained hope of continuing my dream of being a doctor --- until Career Orientation Day.

This pretty lady talked to us about the corporate world. Right then and there, I was able to imagine myself in a pinstripe business suit (complete with manicure, make-up, hair and of course, the padded blazer!) inside a wood-paneled office overlooking the Makati business district. And I liked what I saw.

That's when I realized that 10 years of study would not fit me. It was too long! I might never be allowed to "legally" have a boyfriend until I'm nearly 27! That scared me... Haha! Babaw, noh? (By the way, I got married at age 22!)

But it's true. Very few high school students have deep convictions about their future careers. I was not one of them. I was very confused. Just take a look at my course choices:
In UP Diliman: BS-Bus. Admin & Accountancy and BS-Statistics.
In UP LB: Chem. Eng'g. and Agribusiness.
In Ateneo: Management Engineering, Management of Information Systems, and Management.
In DLSU: Marketing Management.

I ended up giving in to my parents' wishes... see future blog about this. But then, I shifted to Accountancy at the first instance that it was allowed. And that's how I ended up in an auditing firm. My first job! I met great friends there. And I enjoyed working in corporate Makati, going to and fro, snacking at Subway, hailing a taxi, laptop in tow, heels and all!... until I had to move back to the province when I was about to give birth.

For almost a year I worked in a university as Internal Auditor and part-time instructor. That's when I discovered I enjoyed teaching. I'm just not good in checking written assignments, projects and exams. It just takes up so much time!

But then, my family needed me in the business. So I had to resign from my job. I was sad, to tell you frankly. I got cut-off in the social circles, and it is so stressful to work with your family. There's just no escape --- even during dinners and Sundays, work always comes up.

Then comes along the pressures to put up my own business --- because my grandparents and my parents are businessmen and women. I tried. I put up an office/school supplies and home supplies store, but I was too busy with the family business that I never got to really manage the store hands-on. I ended up selling the merchandise to my storekeeper; she manages the store now (but business is not doing good). Then I accepted the offer to manage a water refilling station. So far, I'm still managing it, and I have many plans for it, but I can't manage it fully... again! Hopefully, I'd be able to rescue this business from its current slump.

I've also been planning to start a laundry shop. And a coffee shop. And an ice-cream parlor. And a store, again, but this time in a mall or tiangge.

That's why when I came across the Global Sources website, I impulsively signed up for a free admission badge in one of their trade fairs in China last April (for electronics and fashion accessories). However, Mama didn't want to accompany me, and I didn't have enough capital to place orders there anyway. Well, there's another trade fair this coming October 11-15 for fashion accessories and other items. Still, Mama doesn't want to go. And still, I don't have capital to start another store of my own.

Oftentimes, I get big ideas. But I lack the will and the passion to continue it. As John Lennon has said (though quite in another context), you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Sometimes I think I never really liked the idea of having a business of my own. Although our family has always been businessmen and women, I sometimes believe that I am not an entrepreneur. I keep looking back at my life in Makati. I keep thinking, perhaps if I hadn't resigned, I would still be in audit or financial services, and give or take 5 more years, I'd be an AVP or audit director or even audit partner!

You know, I'm really having a hard time concluding this piece. So I'll just leave you hanging and perhaps, tomorrow, I might have something more to say that's less abstract than this one. :-)

Travels

2006-09-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

A while ago, Mama asked if IE can already appreciate a trip to Disneyland- Hongkong. I said probably yes, because he already recognizes the Disney Channel anyway, and he has good memory (one time, we were walking to the hospital's "parking lot" when he say this big pulley being used by the electric cooperative's men in transporting the logs to be used as electric posts... he pointed to it and asked what it is... so i told him it was a "pulley"... then a month later, we were walking the same street from the hospital's "parking lot" to the hospital, when he pointed to the electric cooperative's lot and said "poo-wie"... natandaan nya!)

Well, Mama asked if she can bring IE herself to Disney HK or if Johnny & I will be the ones to go. My sister and I immediately said we prefer to go to Tokyo Disney instead... because we wanted to go to Japan. Haha! As if we can come and go as we please... As if we had the money!

During our last trip to the US (of course, financed by our parents) in 2004, I was struck by the great difference in the US Dollar and the Philippine Peso. My $300 monthly salary is really miniscule compared to the US Minimum wage (at that time, it was US$10 per hour, I think)... And recently, I nearly threw a throwpillow (well, that's why they're called such) at our TV set while watching Oprah and her guests who were lobbying for an increase in the minimum wage. I was thinking, what were they complaining about?! If they think they're earning meager amounts, why don't they try living here in the Philippines where their minimum wage can go a long way... or try Cambodia, Bangladesh...

Then, I realize how much Americans are spending for their daily "needs": a bottle of Pepsi (2L or 1.5L) cost $1.60 in 2004, a bottle of purified water cost $2 - $2.50 in 2004, 2 bags of Lays cost $2.90 (promo only!), a liter of gasoline cost more than $1.74... or was it $17.40? I don't remember anymore but the point is, the whole debate about minimum wage and rising prices and mortgage costs is a paradox.

I guess the clamor of Oprah's guests for higher minimum wage is somewhat justified by the high costs of living. But it is a hopeless cycle! No matter where you are, in the US or in the Philippines (or in Dubai!), it is like a dog chasing after its own tail.

Increase the minimum wage because of higher prices. Increased minimum wage means higher labor cost. Higher labor cost entails increased prices to meet the desired profit. So the minimum wage has to be increased again. And so on and so forth...

So what's the solution? I tend to believe Robert Kiyosaki's "philosophy" (though not his original, he emphasized this in his "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" book) to LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS!

Okay, okay, okay! I know, I should practice what I preach. Johnny keeps telling me that every now and then. But what am I to do? I can audit, can do budgets, can account for financial information --- for other people. But I can't do it for our family. Maybe because my parents are generous (not that I'm complaining!), but it's my own fault that I am so complacent regarding our finances.

So how can I go to Japan, or China (for the trade fair --- see next blog), or the US or Europe? I don't know... But I'll figure it out...

The First Entry

2006-09-21T01:53:00.000-07:00

This blog is a personal challenge, especially for someone who hasn't managed to keep a diary or journal for more than 2 weeks! Haha!

And this is probably where someone who dreams of writing a novel about the environment should start. Again, Haha! Environment?

And this, is really a challenge for someone who is a working mother of a very active 4 year old toddler who is also expected to cook dinner on time, prepare edible breakfast and packed lunch, and clean the bathroom sink, and who still lives with her husband in her parents' home.

However, I believe, that with determination, focus, and a little help of technology (just a little?), I CAN DO THIS!

So what's this all about? Er, I don't know... I just felt like I should start this right now. I was in the bottom third of our Advanced English class in high school anyway (but my inclusion in that class was probably because the school abolished the Advanced Math class)! But to be specific, my friends, I'll be writing my thoughts here about anything... about God, family, faith, friends, career, business, national/local issues, etc... because, I am THE SILENT JOURNALIST!