Backfloat Realization

I feel the darkness envelop me
In a panic at first, I reach out my hand
And feel the cold sand embrace me.
In a desperate move, I rest my head
On my shoulder and relax
As the gears of my mind set off
In a wild whirlwind of thoughts
Torn between getting up and letting go

I close my eyes and no longer feel
The sand that once took hold of me.
Now I get the familiar feeling of floating
As if resting from a day's backstroke swimming
I'm afraid to open my eyes,
Afraid to drown but tired of treading
Yet I ask, am I really tired
Or just afraid to try?

I opened my eyes and find myself
In the 4-foot deep end of the pool
An arm's length from the ledge
An arm's length from redemption.