Year-ender

It seems a few of you are posting your year-enders... Napaisip tuloy ako... ano nga ba ang nangyari sa taong 2008?

January: we opened Granny's Hut, our small carinderia/convenience store

February: I gave birth... hehehe... and we served in the BCBP's Marriage Retreat a week before I gave birth... hehehe, adik!

March: YZ was baptized... at dumating sa buhay namin si manang... si manang na adik maglaba (as in, yung hinubad kong damit sa umaga ay makikita ko na uli sa cabinet ko pagdating ko sa gabi, kasi nalabhan na niya... adik di ba?)

April: uhm, wala lang, busy lang... hehehe, honestly, wala akong maaalalang event... bday ni lobit? hehehe :-)

May: 6th anniv namin... pero di kami nakapag-date :-( maliit pa kasi si baby... next year na lang babawi, hehehe :-)

June: bday ni hubby... sorry wala ata ako gift sa yo... promise, bawi ako starting next year... and magpapakabait na rin ako ... hehehe :-)

July: bday ni popsie...

August: commitment to formation night ng Tanauan BCLP #4, we danced ala-Meryll Streep et al to the tune of Money, Money, Chiquitita, Super Trouper, Take A Chance & Dancing Queen... hehehe, fun fun fun... especially the costumes ng guys... tita fides, you're a genius talaga! :-)

September: birthday naming 4 na magkakapatid, in denial ako that I was turning 29 na! concert ng 6cyclemind at callalily, thanks to hubby & friend lowell, may nagbantay ng booth namin, hehehe :-)

October: Mamay passed away... :-( then FE weekend #4! Waaahhh... kagulo na! Pero the best ang presentation namin... la nga lang kaming video... :-(

November: chaos, felt sad... thanks for the prayers! :-)

December: chaos, truths, half-truths, buti na lang, God sent me His angels... lobit, debbie and izel... love you mga marz!

Year 2008 was a chaotic year for me, my hubby and my family. We had a lot of decisions to make. We took risks this year too. This year, my comfort bubble was burst by people who have betrayed my no-questions-asked trust and I found it hard to forgive. But then again, as my sister said, sometimes, I have to look at these people kung bakit nila nagawa sa family namin ang mga bagay na iyon for years now. Sometimes, dapat palawakin pa rin ang pang-unawa sa mga bagay-bagay na ito. Minsan, mas kailangan nila ang panalangin para maunawaan nila ang tama at mali, para sa susunod, alam na nilang hindi sila dapat gumawa ng mali. Hay, kung may multiply lang sila anoh? :-)

This year, I got hurt but then again, I feel God gave me this situation to make me grow and to make me value more the blessings He has given to me. It is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. And hopefully, soon, things will be normal again and you and I can become friends this time. :-)

Forgive me dear friends if I haven't been much of a caring and thoughtful and loving friend to you. I'm a work in progress and soon, I will learn to be such kind of a person.

This year, I learned that I need to be strong in my faith in God, to be faithful in my commitments to God, and to be Christ-like in every aspect of my life.

Favorite quote this year:

Pagpalain kayo ng Panginoon, palakasin nawa Niya ang inyong pananampalataya, pasayahin sa pag-asa at pakilusin sa pag-ibig... Sa ngalan ng Ama, Anak at Espiritu Santo... AMEN!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! GOD BLESS TO ALL!

Moving Forward in Love

Early on, I had been preoccupied with the idea of love. Grade 1 pa lang ako, may ka-M.U. na ako at dalawa pa sila. When I transferred to a new school in Grade 3, I also had my share of admirers (kasi ako yung new student). At dahil maagang umibig, maaga ring nabigo. In 6^th grade, I had this huge crush on a servicemate (ka-school service?). He was one year ahead and had really beautiful straight hair.... that’s why my codename for him was “Pantene”. Hehehe... We were okay though not buddies, but when he found out I had a crush on him, he suddenly turned cold and never talked to me ever. I never saw him after my graduation.

I went to a different highschool and was culture-shocked by the norm of having boyfriends and girlfriends at an early age. Coming from a strict newly-coed Catholic school, it was really a shock! In first year, the naive me was courted by a senior and a junior. Flattery really blinds you that’s why I never knew that the junior and his gang were just playing me until the junior compassionately stopped making pa-cute to me. As for the senior, I cannot remember exactly but I guess he sort of got back with his ex who kinda looked like me.

As a sophomore, I was a somewhat controversial rebound girl of one of the cutest in our batch. Our M.U. days which started (and ended) in the H.E. lovers’ lane lasted for about two weeks. He got back with his long-time girl after the sembreak.

In junior high, I had my sights on a sorta delinquent skateboarding guitar-playing classmate (Avril’s Sk8r Boi?). I kinda allowed him to make the first move (read: I made the first move) and was M.U. with him for about a year until we became officially “Mag-Un” early in our senior year, only to cool-off before Christmas break. He broke my heart when he had someone else as his date to the prom which meant the end of both our cool-off and our relationship. This left me to agree to be another batchmate’s date who I knew was just playing me.

It was my heartbreak but I never lost hope... that we’ll get back together again. Years passed in college and I realized it would not be good for me to get back with him because I was afraid to be hurt again by the same person. So I did not look around in a university where good-looking well-off boys were not hard to find (although most of the time, they are already taken by equally good-looking well-off girls). Well, there was this one boy in our block who was my crush and who I thought had a crush on me too, but it never materialized.

Then in my senior year in college, I saw him, unexpectedly... He, who looked like my highschool ex (the Sk8r Boi), caught my eye and took my breath away. My heart jumped at the sight of him... because he looked like my ex. At that time I wasn’t over my ex yet. Well, three years later, he eventually became my husband when i unexpectedly became pregnant. Six years later, we now have two beautiful gifts --- our children.

Looking back, I stop to think about how my life would be today if I hadn’t been too preoccupied with love and finding my destiny and all other chuva romantic ideas that the romantic comedy ‘90s filled my head with. I’m not blaming or regretting anything here, I’m just thinking, what if? I can’t help but be envious of the good fortunes of most of my classmates and officemates. Hindi naman ako haliparot o talipandas, pero sana pala, kung maibabalik ko lang, sana naging mas maingat ako at mas naging focused sa gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko. Naniniwala akong makakapaghintay ang pag-ibig, lalo na ang tunay na pag-ibig. Pero ang mga oportunidad sa buhay, hindi na natin masasabi kung darating pa ba kung ito’y nakalampas na. Nakakapanghinayang, oo, pero nandito na ako ngayon. There’s no use looking back to regret, only looking back to reflect and moving forward to act.

Side note lang, naalala ko lang ang blessing ng pari sa mga misa sa simbang gabi ngayong taon (first time kong mag-simbang gabi this year): Patibayin nawa Niya ang inyong pananampalataya, pasayahin sa pag-asa at pakilusin sa pag-ibig! Ang ganda hindi ba? Yes, I’ve been preoccupied with love and never really got anywhere. Maybe today or tomorrow, with God’s help, I will be able to act and move out of love, because of love, and for love.