THE LIGHT IN ME THAT SHINES BRIGHTLY

For weeks now, I’ve been singing and humming to myself snippets of Mariah Carey’s hit “Can’t Take That Away”. I thought MC’s style of singing was just her way of singing and had nothing to do with the lyrics of her songs. Alas, I forgot that she is a songwriter too, has been since her first album! For I knew not what reason, the title of this song popped up from the videoke song list we had at home and I tried to sing it. Of course, I could not replicate MC’s amazing style, but as I was reading and singing the lyrics, it was only then when I realized the dynamics in MC’s vocal style was an expression of her emotions and conviction. MC went through hard times years back and I would guess this song is one of her “comeback” songs – literally and figuratively speaking.

“But I refuse to falter in what I believe and lose faith in my dreams… ‘cause there’s a light in me that shines brightly… They can try, but they can’t take that away from me…”

Tears rush to gush out of my eyes whenever I come across these lines… They embody the central theme of the song and it cuts straight to my heart and soul every time.

Last night, I was taken over by depressing thoughts brought about by fear of the always uncertain future, not for me, but for my son. I had him when I was not yet ready to be a mother. I tried to provide the best motherhood experience I can give to him until he was about five (5) years old. Since he had a speech impediment at age 2 ½, I had always regarded him as special and in the process, undermined in my mind his ability to cope with the challenges of the real world like ordinary persons can. I guess I had wanted him to be extraordinary and I am now alarmed because he isn’t ordinary.

Whatever his weaknesses are, I have to believe that he’ll be alright. Not everyone was raised by perfect parents in perfect neighborhoods and educated in perfect educational systems. I just have to trust in God because I know that He is good and He will provide. He will take care of my children because I, alone, cannot. I am their mother not because of me, but because of my children… and I wouldn’t have begotten children if it weren’t for the infinite power and wisdom of Him who sees all things and knows all things. We are here because of Him and I have to believe that His grace is enough to take me through wherever, whatever His will brings me.

“See I have learned there’s an inner peace I own… Something in my soul that they cannot possess so I won’t be afraid and darkness will fade… ‘cause there’s a light in me that shines brightly… They can try, but they can’t take that away from me…”

OVERCAST

I stare at the blankness of the chaos around me
As a breather from the chaos within
Will it still be called chaos when the answer's there
Already but it's covered by transparent layers?
In five cycles of the minute hand, I will be reborn
Will I face the answer then? Or,
Will I continue to wear out myself
In weighing the choices I have?
Options can sometimes be a curse,
As difficult as when there are none
But what is there to learn
Than to be a decisive one?
I stared at the blankness now within me
The chaos has blurred underneath
And blackness has wrapped my wholeness
Paralyzing me in this moment
My lips are sealed, tongue tucked in my throat
"I flit, I float..." and so the song goes...
The skies are heavy but the rains do not come

GREEN THUMB

You planted a dream in my heart for me to believe I can
For me to lift up to You when I think that I just can’t
You planted a dream for me to start that I might achieve,
Glorify You and help others live
You planted a dream to get me to act
To become restless and go beyond chartered lands
You planted a dream and I now believe
In dreams, in You, in others and in me