THE LIGHT IN ME THAT SHINES BRIGHTLY

For weeks now, I’ve been singing and humming to myself snippets of Mariah Carey’s hit “Can’t Take That Away”. I thought MC’s style of singing was just her way of singing and had nothing to do with the lyrics of her songs. Alas, I forgot that she is a songwriter too, has been since her first album! For I knew not what reason, the title of this song popped up from the videoke song list we had at home and I tried to sing it. Of course, I could not replicate MC’s amazing style, but as I was reading and singing the lyrics, it was only then when I realized the dynamics in MC’s vocal style was an expression of her emotions and conviction. MC went through hard times years back and I would guess this song is one of her “comeback” songs – literally and figuratively speaking.

“But I refuse to falter in what I believe and lose faith in my dreams… ‘cause there’s a light in me that shines brightly… They can try, but they can’t take that away from me…”

Tears rush to gush out of my eyes whenever I come across these lines… They embody the central theme of the song and it cuts straight to my heart and soul every time.

Last night, I was taken over by depressing thoughts brought about by fear of the always uncertain future, not for me, but for my son. I had him when I was not yet ready to be a mother. I tried to provide the best motherhood experience I can give to him until he was about five (5) years old. Since he had a speech impediment at age 2 ½, I had always regarded him as special and in the process, undermined in my mind his ability to cope with the challenges of the real world like ordinary persons can. I guess I had wanted him to be extraordinary and I am now alarmed because he isn’t ordinary.

Whatever his weaknesses are, I have to believe that he’ll be alright. Not everyone was raised by perfect parents in perfect neighborhoods and educated in perfect educational systems. I just have to trust in God because I know that He is good and He will provide. He will take care of my children because I, alone, cannot. I am their mother not because of me, but because of my children… and I wouldn’t have begotten children if it weren’t for the infinite power and wisdom of Him who sees all things and knows all things. We are here because of Him and I have to believe that His grace is enough to take me through wherever, whatever His will brings me.

“See I have learned there’s an inner peace I own… Something in my soul that they cannot possess so I won’t be afraid and darkness will fade… ‘cause there’s a light in me that shines brightly… They can try, but they can’t take that away from me…”